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How to Be a Lazy College Student

Jul 24, 2009 09:41 PM

To become a lazy college student, one must first obtain a mind of absolute rest. Try learning how to meditate or learn how to waste a day completely first. A lazy, stressed student is not a happy lazy student.

Before commencing school, gather up resources to help you fall back upon. A scholarship fund with a ridiculous amount of cash can really help. Also, being the child of a rich business parent could definitely help too.

The larger the school, the easier it will be to keep your grades up without doing much actual work. Enrolling in a school ending in "State" would ensure an easy 6 years. Avoid expensive private schools at all costs.

Consider majoring in communications or secondary education.

Check out teachers on ratemyprofessors.com . This can provide valuable information regarding how much homework the professor gives and how cool he/she is. Also, if you are rich, find out if the teacher accepts bribes.

Consider investing in a recording device. This can prove useful when an important class is scheduled. Give the recording device to a friend and have him record the lecture, then when you're at home being lazy and such play back the lecture. But don't forget to take breaks!

Cram before going to bed and on the way to school.

While in class, try practicing (or learning) some pen tricks or try writing with your bad hand. Also make sure you have CollegeHumor , ESPN , Break , and Facebook in your laptop's bookmarks.

Develop an affinity for a lawn game like horseshoes or cornhole. This will ensure you get plenty of sun and don't develop a Vitamin-D deficiency. This is best paired with your favorite light beer.

If all fails, and you are working, the best thing to do is to poke your friends so they can't concentrate, it's always a good idea to have someone go down with you.

Become addicted to a MMORPG (massive multiplayer online role-playing game) like runescape, guild wars, or world of warcraft. Alternatively you could become hopelessly addicted to any one of the numerous Bemani music games such as Dance Dance Revolution, Beatmania IIDX, Para Para Paradise or Pop'n Music! You should also try playing Snood, however it is highly addictive and may lead to dropping out of school. Only play these during your free time.

Nobody is born lazy. Laziness comes out of disorientation. Perhaps what is being taught in your class has no direct bearing to your immediate reality. Find something better to do instead of wasting time and money going to school. Music, perhaps. Or theatre, or learn to make jewelry, perhaps you want to do vegetable gardening. It could be anything. Search the net for your kind of curiosity or find the person (or groups) who interest you. Learn from him/ her and live happily ever after.

Tips

  • College is not the be all, end all of a happy, peaceful life. There are many things you can do, if only you would allow yourself to think about them. Remember, most of the things you want to do can be done in this lifetime.
  • Choose classes that are interesting to you. This is important! Not every class that sounds easy will be easy!
  • A school that is close to your residence helps a lot.
  • Only take classes from untenured assistant professors. They are scared to death of their student evaluations and grade easier. Most school catalogues have the professor's rank.
  • Don't spread out your classes too much, you might be forced to study in between breaks!

Warnings

  • This guide is to allow for a lazy college student to be somewhat successful. If you do not wish for an effective result, just don't go to school at all.
  • Unless you want to fail some classes you will still need to set aside time to do your work and maybe even study.
  • Remember, if you don’t plan out your future, even a college degree will be useless. There is no law that says just because you have a degree you are set for life. So plan out your studies and your overall objective, and you will be fine, but don't forget to chill or see a movie every now and then. Work hard, play hard, be smart.

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